Cris was born in Buffalo, NY, which even people from Siberia describe as “freakin’ cold”. At the age of one, Cris and his parents moved to a suburb of Los Angeles, a city filled with actors and actresses, most of them taking your order at IHOP. Several years later, Cris attended and surprisingly graduated from the University of Southern California. He then fulfilled his parents’ dreams by throwing away his education and working as a DJ in rock radio in Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. In 1994 the station where he was working was sold without notice to a Spanish language station (true). Since his fluency in Spanish was limited to the line “Do you speak English?”, Cris chose to move on and take up serious work. He started writing his humor column for a collection of California newspapers. Cris eventually married one of his editors, simultaneously demonstrating his dedication to journalism and his wife’s lack of taste. Not wanting to spend his days just staring at a desktop computer, he then moved on to the tech world and Silicon Valley, where he spent his days staring at a laptop computer. Although they had made good friends in the San Francisco Bay Area, Michele and Cris wanted to live in a place where the houses cost less than the average nuclear submarine. So in 2008 they moved to North Carolina, where the state flower is an arrangement of pulled pork and hushpuppies.